Saturday, February 07, 2015

If it's big and yellow and you could clean your sink with it, avoid seeing the movie.

There are times in your life when some things have been IMPRINTED on your brain and you feel the need to SHARE them with everybody else in your world.
I mean if my brain is fried and feels like mush isn't it only fair that you, my dear friend, also feel that way?

If you are smart and read on you may make a wise choice and find someone that you don't particularly care for to take your little people to the new Spongebob movie. Maybe some adult that really does have the same emotional level and mental abilities as the ages of your little people.

Now, before you Spongebob lovers rise up from your soft sofa cushions, know that I have seen short TV episodes and short videos of Spongebob with Riley. Some were actually funny. 

It's very hard to dislike a bucktooth, yellow, sponge so it is amazing to me, that the writers of this new movie actually made it their mission to do so.

At coffee this morning John mentioned that this afternoon we would all go to the new Spongebob movie.  I suggested that perhaps that was the PERFECT bonding experience for just him and Riley.
He said and I quote, "Oh, it's going to be good, you'll like it."

Right now, if I handed those words written out on a piece of paper, to him, he would most likely eat them. Really.

And, so I trusted him. The man I love and adore for the past 46 years. I believed him. 

TWO HOURS (and trust me the writers had to STRETCH themselves to reach that objective) of poor dialogue and remember I didn't really have the bar very high for a sponge. Boring, boring, booooooooooriiiiiiiiiiiiiinnng............even the majority of little boys attending the theater found themselves so bored that they were kicking seat backs, running up and down the seat isles and fighting with their siblings.

I tried to catch John's eye but he was deliberately avoiding looking at me.  
I tried to sleep but the volume prevented that from happening.
I accepted that there are some things in life that I do for my children and grandchildren, once and then never EVER AGAIN.

After the ending, that dragged on and on finally took a rest and the lights came on, a very silent crowd of children and numbed male adults wandered out of the theater. I didn't see any mothers there, smarter women than me apparently.

I could sense John behind me trying to find words that would beg forgiveness. I simply held up my hand and said, "No, you shall pay for this."

A good man knows when he should just keep his mouth shut.

:( Bea, who seems to have cotton candy energy, ice cream for brains and a soft, spongy yellow body.

P.S. I don't know if like books the typing of Spongebob or his picture will bring out the owners of this movie. If it does, please don't feel the need to leave a comment. 
There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING you could say that would ever change my mind. me.  

1 comment:

  1. OMG--surely, enduring the experience gives you some karma credit somewhere LOL.