To Whom It May Concern:
You may not be aware of me, dear Sirs. I am the Official Keeper of the Records for Sir Zetti Corkey.
Actually, it's a volunteer position.
An, un paid position.
My office is located in the sub-basement level #3, of the Zetti Homeland Historical Society, room 3150. If you have been down there you would remember it is the room without a door or any windows. The one on the right past the boiler room before you get to the storage cages.
I am responsible for making some sense of the masses of bits and pieces of papers, specimens, brick a brac, disgusting odd things in boxes with air holes that occasionally still wiggle. The boxes that is.
My responsibility is to organize everything pertaining to Space/Time Traveler, Sir Z'Corkey and his travels.
As you can imagine I have been at this position for years. You may have remembered my many requests for a bathroom to be located on this level. I even sent you a detailed blueprint of Level #3 and how this simple task could be accomplished. I have yet to hear back from any of you on the Great Committee.
My letter to you, dear Sirs, today, is not about my repeated requests for said bathroom but to explain a bill I recently sent to your offices. Since I have not heard from anyone I thought perhaps you needed a clearer understanding of what the issue was about.
While clearing a path to the back of the storage facility to see if there was any room to have that said ladies facility installed, I found an odd trunk with Sir Z'Corkey's name on the return label. Well, actually, the label was addressed to the Zetti Homeland Historical Society, attention Curator of Sir Z'Corkey's memorabilia. Which is another matter we need to discuss, when my position will become a paid position with the appropriate title of Curator.
I was able to push this trunk back to my "office" without serious injury, although I do seem to have snagged my nylons.
The bill that I sent your offices was for the repayment of said nylons.
Although, I originally purchased them in a respectable, basic caramel color, I am requesting reimbursement to purchase black, silk, fishnet stockings.
I have multiple packages of sturdy carmel color work stockings since I was fortunate to find them on a bulk sale, I do not, on the other hand, have any black, silk or fishnet stockings.
I'm sure you can appreciate the urgency of this reimbursement. A lady can not go to the dance hall in her work stockings, it just isn't appropriate.
Oh and did I mention that the truck, when opened revealed a layer of salt packed mackerels? Quite disgusting to say the least. Under the mackerels I found a small FIELD NOTEBOOK in Z'Corkey's hand writing. It seems to be a tracking record of his search for his twin sister, called Madame Zetti Corkinellie. She was last known to reside on the planet of NFAUZABRR which, according to his notes in located in the solar system of Troyiani.
I would be most happy to discuss these new discoveries with the Procurement Division. I assume they will be the ones handling the reimbursement of my damaged stockings?
When I receive notification of the meeting I will also bring along a series of notebooks, also found in said trunk, of hand drawn pictures of exotic plants and healing recipes.
I am afraid that Sir Z'Corkey has written his notes and thoughts, in those journals in a rather ancient tongue spoken in the early years of Zettiland.
I'm sure someone in the Historical Society will be able to decipher them.
Yours most sincerely,
UNPAID, Volunteer Recorder for Sir Z'Corkey