Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Not good, not good at all.

A rather blah picture today. It represents my state of mind at this point in time. In order to suppress this case of Shingles from being more than it is which is annoying enough I have been taking an antiviral medication, Valacycloir.

As a result, a DIRECT result I seem to have lost all creativity. Besides the sleeping effect which is deep and long, I have absolutely no desire to even be in the studio. No desire to look at a creative DVD. No desire to even open one of many of my inspirational and creative art books. NADA, ZIP, NOTHING!!!

Last time I felt like a blob, as I do now was back when I was taking some anti-depressant during winter when I think I was probably experiencing light deprivation. Went out and bought myself an Ott light, sat with it on facing my "third eye" for twenty minutes a day and tossed the medication down the toilet.

Being creative is more than just doing something. It's an awareness that is present all day long. It even follows you to bed and is present in your dreams. I would say it's like a limb of your body but even if you lose a limb you have that shadow limb effect where your mind still thinks you have that part to your body. 
With this medication I lack even that awareness. 

And, yes, fellow artist friends, this is different from those "valley" moments that we might have. Those times when we lack inspiration or creative thoughts.
This is not "Creative block". 

I've tried to do simple things, up in the studio like sit at the sewing machine and just sew strips. Usually a mind numbing task that allows me to drift off and think of ideas, projects and other creative things. I simply couldn't even pick up the pieces of fabric and put them together. I didn't CARE, wasn't at all interested.

A part of my being was shocked. But it seems to be a part way back at the end of the hallway, shouting through layers of gauze. 
The rational voice in my head tells me, "Yes, yes, there it is but this will pass so go take a nap."

I certainly hope so.

:)Bea

4 comments:

  1. Oh I hope so too. I know that feeling well but for reasons other than medication - fibro fog and/or too much stress. Hope you get to feeling better (and creative) really quickly. Hugs!

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  2. Anonymous11:08 AM

    I have faith you'll be back to your same creative self in no time at all. (((((((Bea))))))))))

    Janet

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  3. Yeah, I've been there. Read. Expose yourself to the creativity of others and your mental bank will be full of ideas when the motivation returns. Maybe a little stream of consciousness writing....? Hang in there.

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  4. I have been there...this too will pass...but time is the real healer...be at Peace . Happy valentine's day!

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