Sunday, January 13, 2013

Oh, Guido what are we going to do now?

That my friends is an official document. It truly does come from The United States of America Social Security Administration, Office of Finance. It was sent to my Zeus. 
It was sent in response to something he told them.


I admit it, I do not like doing laundry. The days of singing and dancing, Sound of Music style, on the hillside as I hang laundry are over. WAAaaaaaay over.

When my middle son was in high school he BANNED me from doing his laundry. Apparently, my rather lax attitude toward water temperatures or sorting drove him to his rebellion. Although, I never received a formal apology I did overhear him tell his brother recently, that he NOW always buys a bigger size in sport shirts because they always shrink.

AH HA!!!!!!!
Perhaps it wasn't your fumbling old mother putting them in "hot" water that did it?  I stand vindicated since I almost always use cold because I never remember to turn the dial to anything else. I suppose it's part of my passive aggressive attitude towards even doing laundry.

I know, it's so easy, in this day and age. I remember standing by my grandmother while she ran piece by piece through the wringer washing tub. I refuse to call that thing a machine. I have a cellular memory of a line of women, my ancestors, beating cloth against rock after rock by the river edge. And, you wonder why I resist doing laundry.

So, there you have it. Zeus wrote to the Social Security Administration to tell them that I washed his check and dried it if you want to be accurate.

Lucky for him, another mother, wife, grandmother was opening the mail that day. Come on, it's the government, you know it had to have been a woman that opened the mail. One that had washed her share of checks, receipts, change, balled up handkerchiefs, all left in a pocket of some male. 

I imagine she snickered and then maybe even shook her head. "Got the t-shirt", she muttered. And, then she got out her RED PEN and made her notation and issued another check.

Another check I add to the man that left it in his pants pocket to begin with. 

I repeat.  I dump the laundry from the dirty laundry hamper INTO THE WASHER. I DO NOT sort. I do not handle dirty, smelly, sports clothes. 

So, be warned.  If you come to my house and want me to do your laundry, empty out your pockets. 

All change that makes it through the cleaning process and remains in the dryer is mine.  You can have your golf tees back, your balled up, glued together pieces of paper whatever they are. If you have special needs like hot water or cold, perhaps you need to do those items yourself. 

And, for goodness sake, if you have a check take it to the bank. I know I launder money, you know I launder money, Guido knows I launder money and now the Social Security Administration knows. sigh


"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."
Ecclesiastes 3:1


  1. I am laughing all the while knowing you speak the truth!!!!! Rock on Momma..I ahve laundry to do upstairs as we speak! Back to my work! Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

  2. You know, your middle son likes to wash checks too. Its happened several times...