Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The news from the country side, in Verona.


I'm not entirely out of the woods but the "storm" seems to be less intense than it was from Tuesday afternoon until now.
Tuesday afternoon, I ended up in Urgent Care having a battery of test done to determine what was causing the intense "discomfort", my words, "PAIN", my doctor's words that I was having.
Doubled over, my hand pressed against my left groin area I just wanted somebody to make it go away.


Young Dr. Brinn, who made me smile, through the cramping pain wore multicolored stripped socks with her comfortable shoes. She was thorough and determined to get to the cause. After two hours, blood tests, urine tests, x-rays she sent me to UW Hospitals for a CAT scan.
There after drinking three of the worst tasting lemon drinks I had my scan and waited for a call from the Dr.
I'm sure that when Dr. Brinn went to work that morning she knew she would be dealing with sick kids, broken bones but I suspect she didn't expect to have to tell a patient that she had a large mass on her right ovary. She did make an appointment for me to see a specialist the next morning and that's what Zeus and I did for the last four hours.
The consult was extremely hopeful and upbeat. They didn't see any cancer cell markers in the blood. They didn't see any typical cancer problems in the scan. They had no idea what this 13.8 x 12.1 x13.5 mass or tumor was but it was coming out. That was for certain.
Surgery is scheduled for January 31st. Healing thoughts and prayers are always welcome.


The cramping? Well, it seems when, and let me tell you when they brought up the scan on the computer and showed it moving through my body and you could see this mass get big and then Bigger and then HECK THE THINK LOOKED HUGE at it's center point. Looks like I swallowed a big water balloon. Anyway, the cramping seems to be a result of this mass shifting around and cutting off some blood flow. How it even has room to move is beyond me.
I wanted to look at the images more just to ask, what's this and what's that? I mean you can see everything inside of you. It's VERY, VERY COOL.
And, yes, I feel fine. Perfectly fine and thank goodness whatever this is DID SHIFT around because if I hadn't had the cramping and been in so much discomfort I never would have known that I have this thing inside of me.
AND, I'm hoping that when they remove it I lose, oh I don't know, maybe 10 pounds?
Well, I could hope it weighed that much, can't I?

Zeus and I went through all the worst case scenarios and can be expected. We hugged and stayed close to each other. We made jokes, some bad some pretty funny about the situation.
And, after four hours of Pre-Op tests and running around the hospital, we sat in the atrium of the hospital and ate a sandwich and sighed. Lots of bent up stress sighing. And, probably both of us will remember how good that sandwich tasted after finding out that everyone seemed to think this might not be as bad as we thought it might be.

I had a dear friend die of ovarian cancer. Almost all women seem to know that once you find out you have ovarian cancer it's to late. So, having any sort of mass, especially something that large just show up you think the worst.

It tends to put your life in perspective very, VERY QUICKLY.

I thought I was concentrating on my 19 Summers philosophy. I thought I was making each day count. I really thought I was making sure that I did what was REALLY IMPORTANT each day and SAYING WHAT WAS REALLY IMPORTANT to everyone, each day.
But, when you lay in bed and think about an actual deadline of amount of time you might have left most of that stuff, on the list, just falls by the wayside.

One thing I did realize is that I have a good life. I have a wonderful family and friends. I pretty much do what I enjoy doing and spending time with the people and things that are important to me. I don't have a long, TO DO BEFORE I DIE list.

This was a scare and honestly, until they take this tumor out I can only hope that it's not cancerous. I'll deal with that if and when I get that news. I absolutely know what's in my control and what isn't. My attitude is important because it's what is going to cut down my healing time.
It is what it is and I'm in good hands. I like my surgeon's smile and he has kind eyes and if probably helps that he's been doing surgeries like this for eight years.

:)Bea Who really is just going to take it one day, at a time. Honest.

19 comments:

  1. Oh Bea, the 31st. I hate that you have to wait that long. But I like that you have confidence in your doctor - that is a good thing as Martha would say. You'll be in my prayers and I'll think positive thoughts about your tumor between now and the 31st. Big hugs!

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  2. I'll be saying some prayers for you, even though I'm not the most religious person around. Waiting til the surgery is probably the worse part, isn't it amazing that you can have a tumor like that in your body and not even know it? Having a "bucket list" isn't important to me, either, it's the everyday things that really matter.

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  3. Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way. The waiting I know is hard. Joking does make it easier. Hope you feel better, too!

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  4. Big warm hugs to you and Zeus and tons of healing, positive thoughts to you.
    I really wish they could have gotten you in sooner though!
    I have a friend that years ago doubled over with sudden cramping, sounds similiar area... thankfully it ended up being an ovarian cyst slightly larger than a golf ball. I hope your situation is as easily and simply handled.

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  5. I'm sending you cyber hugs and prayers. Glad to hear your 19 year plan is still in effect. LOL! Take care friend.

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  6. Well Bea you have the right attitude for handling this situation. :) As a retired nurse I know that attitude is EVERYTHING. You and Zeus hang onto that. There are positive signs in your case. Thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. I'll be thinking of you both during this difficult time of waiting and wondering.

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  7. Bea, alot of good signs here, no cancer markers, etc. I'm sorry you are in so much pain. I've been down the very path you're going down now and you'll do fine. We are all here and will love you right through it all, from beginning to end! :) Big hugs!

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  8. Bea you are going to be alright with the assistance of a good surgeon and a whole lot of love. The blood test without cancer cells is good news so hand in there and go make love, make art and laugh your ass off!!! I am sending you loving hugs and white light to rest a weary spirit and your scared body...it is only the vessel...you are a photo of light! Imagine Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

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  9. I'm sure the blood results are good news so I hope the 31st comes round really quickly and you get rid of that thing and can put it all behind you. Sending you lots of love and healing thoughts dear Bea. xx

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  10. Nothing but positive vibes coming to you from New England.

    Good luch and God Bless.

    George

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  11. I guess the universe decided it was your job to teach us how to be big, brave, in charge, optimistic and trusting in a scary situation.
    You are an excellent teacher.
    I have a whole stack of extra prayers laying around...I believe they are yours now.
    XoX

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  12. Bea why are they making you worry and wait so long? I am just curious...you do not need the stress. Is there anything...anything I can do to help you during this crisis? You are so loved! Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

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  13. Bea, healing thoughts and prayers are headed your way from me. Keep your spirits up, make art and laugh as much as you can.

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  14. well hmph. the 31st you say? Why the wait? Splain it to us Lucy.

    Thinking of you lots and admiring your fortitude in the face of adversity.

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  15. Sending nothing but good thoughts your way, stay creative to help you get through each day.

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  16. Wow Bea - I don't know what made me think of you today, but I did and decided to pay you a visit. I don't visit as often as I like because I know I'll want to stay for a bit because you always have something very thought provoking to say and I again will think - gee I wish she were my next door neighbour.

    What a shock. Please promise me that Zeus will post on your behalf no later than Feb 1. I will put you smack dab on the top of my list of prayers and white light giving time. And in learning Jan 31 is your scheduled date - this to me is a positive sign - it's when you get immediate attention in every way possible - it's usually bad news. I am sorry you have to 'live' with the not knowing for awhile longer...
    you already have so much amazing character - I don't know how you could possibly need the test to develop more! I am imagining the day when you post about the silver lining in all of this...

    Many blessings,
    Trudi

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  17. many prayers for your quick and uneventful surgery and healing. Keep us posted if you can, we'll be thinking about you

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  18. I've been there too, though I didn't have any pain, but had a benign tumor removed from an ovary about the size of a grapefruit. good to hear that your blood work looks good & praying that you'll be calm and strong through it all. hang in there. hugs...

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  19. Oh Bea, why didn't you send me an email and tell me to 'get my butt over to yours'?? I feel guilty now. Hey, all the signs are good I reckon. UnBeatable Bea - that's you. Love you cyber friend and I hope that all is well on 31st. I am off to the UK on Thursday, back Tuesday night, when it will be all done and out - thank goodness. I'll be coming to your blog first when I return. Healing thoughts for you. Look what all the prayers did for LU? She's amazing now.
    Thinking of you dear friend,
    Gina xxxxxx

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