Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Caper goes bad, kinda, almost.

Official Report from Agent 99

At O-8-about 10:15pm, Agent 86 and I left command center with item in the back of the vehicle.
Unfortunately, out of habit I chose to ride shotgun. This entailed Agent 86 to be the driver of said vehicle.
The PLAN I had went out the window. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
We went with Agent 86, NO PLAN.
Agent 86 couldn't seem to remember where the location for the drop was.
I told him that it was down the road, across the street from the cow pen.
I suggested that we stop well in advance of the actual site and I would make the drop.

Apparently, Agent 86 wasn't wearing his new hearing aide on the mission.

Agent 86 decided to drive by the location, turn around and drive back.
I noticed the target's back door lights being turned off.
We drove to the new park site, turned off the car lights and Agent 86 got out and took the drop item out.

Even though the caper vehicle was black it was still visible from the target's house.

I decided to get out and get back in, on the driver's side. Making it easier for a quick get away.

Agent 86 claims that he heard car doors slamming while he was stumbling around trying to find the little porch. He also claims that I didn't brief him on the fact that the porch was covered with Morning Glory Vines.

As he was leaving the intended package on the porch, the back door opened and the target said, "HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE? DO YOU NEED ANY HELP?"

Agent 86 reverted back to third grade behavior, in my opinion, Sir. He blurted out the entire mission as if the nuns were staring him in the face. I quote:

"ah, ah, ah, my wife likes to photograph your blue chair and since yours got old we decided to donate a new one, for you."

"ah, we're your neighbors from up the street."

Agent 86 returned to the vehicle.
Agent 86 wanted to debrief, in the car but I told him I heard the whole sorry thing.

The new blue chair was left on the ground next to the porch.
Caper was compromised.
Agent 86 claims that he wasn't briefed properly on where the porch was exactly and that it was completely covered with Morning Glory vines.

Sir, I would like to be reassigned to Agent 007.


  1. Yes, you need a new partner. I would volunteer if I lived closer. Interested in moving?


    Just the facts, maaam.

  3. And furthermore, no good deed goes unpunished.

  4. Anonymous7:38 PM

    Agent 86 here. What agent 99 failed to mention is that I was never briefed about the logistics of this mission! And what kind of getaway driver slams doors and flashes brake lights in the middle of a caper? And what happened to agent 99's high cheek bones and sunken cheeks, anyway? I'm going to go straight and get smart.

  5. HAAAAAAAHAAAAAA---you guys are just waaaaay tooo funny. This must be Zeus aka Agent 86's literary background coming into play. Doesn't he have an English among his degrees? Thanks for the good laugh and knowing that my boys have not been the only ones to have an Agent 99 working in their world.

  6. Bea this would make a great short movie...secret agents doing a good deed. Thank you for the laughter! Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart

  7. Anonymous10:15 PM

    Agent 99 here. I still want a transfer to OO7s team.

  8. Ooooh, comparing your better half to Maxwell Smart is never a good thing. :D

  9. Agent 99, you joined the agency and now you're stuck. Who is the chief?!

  10. ROTFLMAO! I sure needed that laugh today. Thanks!!

  11. This has to be just the BEST post I've read for ages. A new partner is definitely needed I think. Agent 84 and a half signing out.