Friday, April 16, 2010

Confession is good for the soul.

I carried my tea to the table, set my magazines down and as I lowered myself into my chair I heard her laugh. She was over at a corner table, facing me, with a tall lanky good looking man, sitting across from her. She caught my attention with her very bright white smile, her long blond hair, down to the middle of her back and her obvious face lifts. She smiled endlessly, giggled and flirted with the man.
My foot nudged Zeus' foot and I whispered, "Cougar at your 1:00."
"You have to speak up I can't hear you," he muttered to me.
"LOOK OVER THERE," I whispered louder, tilting my head in her direction.
"Ah, yes," he mummered, as he resumed looking at his golf magazine.
I turned the pages of my Art Doll magazine, peeking occasionally up, to catch a glimpse of the couple.
She was to old for him.
I JUDGED her to be in her mid 40s and he looked barely 30.
She was talking non stop. His right foot was jiggling as fast as it could.
There was no physical contact, no touching of hands, just constant talking. Her talking and him nodding his head.

I turned pages, blew on my hot tea and formed judgemental statements in my head.
I don't know how long they had been there but about 10 minutes after we sat down he pushed back his chair.

First body language sign of beginning to leave.
She kept talking, smiling, laughing and he kept nodding and positioning his feet to begin to rise, up out of his chair.
When he finally did stand up he shifted positions as he stood there, first by the side of the chair, then behind it, slowly inching his way away from the table.
I heard her say, "So, we'll see each other on Sunday, right?"
I could hear no response from him. If he actually said something it was low and soft.
She talked some more, his foot and leg jiggled some more and she repeated her question about Sunday.
Mentally, I shook my head at her, trying so hard. Give it up woman.
In my mind I was harsh. Cut your hair, act your age, give it a rest.
He said good by. She smiled up at him.
He left, walking rapidly to the door.
She watched him leave still smiling.

She stood up and I observed the tight designer jeans. Again, my mind tisked tisked but admired her well toned body.

She walked toward our table, pulling her cell phone out and punching in numbers.

As she went by our table I heard her say, "Hi, Mom."

I looked at Zeus and tears welled up in my eyes.

"She was on an Internet date, I think," I said to Zeus. "I wonder if she is calling her mother to tell her how it went. I wonder if she thinks it went well. Oh God, I feel so bad about having all those judgemental thoughts about her, shit, shit, shit."

Zeus remarked that I was crying. His glasses slid down his nose and he peered over them and just gave me his "Jesuit look".

I put my head down on the table.

I felt terrible.

:)Bea Who needs to work harder on her compassionate state of mind when she isn't creating.


  1. Sheesh. The whole time I thought the kid was going to turn out to be her son.
    Lots of time people have asked if we are a couple (my son, Leo and me) I can only imagine what the people who didn't ask were thinking.

    Happy weekend (you didn't say whether we should create or not)

    Don't worry so didn't hurt her feelings and you have proven you have empathy...a MOST important trait :)

  2. LOL Thanks, Lisa. I really TRY hard to keep positive thoughts, compassionate thoughts, in my head but it's an ongoing process and sometimes I just fall waaaaaaaay short. I certainly did last night and I felt terrible about it. :)Bea

  3. Sometimes we are all too quick to judge others. We are only human. You are a brave woman to talk about this and how it affected you.
    Good post Bea, as always. Now go create something, it will make you feel better. Let that experience be an inspiration for something grand. :)

  4. Thanks Yvonne. When I heard her say, Hi Mom, I lost it. I could just imagine her telling her mother all about her "date" and what he was like and knowing how hard she tried, I just felt so sorry for her, you know. :)Bea

  5. Dang, Bea, you are right! As I was reading this I was thinking of the very same couple I saw at the restaurant we went to last night. I need to watch the tongue in my mind, too! Shame on me!

  6. Melissa, we're just human aren't we? lol :)Bea

  7. Don't be too hard on yourself Bea. I think we are all the same, too quick to judge and not considering other possibilites. Poor lady. At least she didn't know your thoughts.

  8. Compassion is overrated, at least as long it remains a thought. Do you know how many times I've made the chandelier drop on someone's head in a restaurant, only in my head, of course?

    Living to please men is so 19th century. You should live to please yourself - it makes you that much more attractive.