Thursday, September 10, 2009

No balloon poppers here!

Last night I watched So You Think You Can Dance. Normally I pass on the audition part of the show. I find it difficult to watch people trying to do something and being laughed at for their efforts.
Yes, I know there are folks that just want their minutes of fame on TV and there are folks that might have some mental issues. What I would like is to see them culled from the process before it gets to the actual TV show. But, that wouldn't make "good" television.
What I have a real problem with is the people, that obviously do not have the technical background or the body shape expected, that try their hardest and yet the "judges", the responsible adults, laugh, snicker, roll their eyes or are just outright mean in their comments to them.
Yes, before you send me emails I know that it's tv land. I get it.
What bothers me is that it is sending a reinforcement message to people watching the show and that's millions of people that it's ok to snicker, to mock, to judge, to ridicule those that try.
"If they are going to try out then they deserve what they get."

In MY WORLD,as a judge, they would deserve a critique of their strengths, their weaknesses, what they need to work on and a big thanks for putting themselves OUT THERE and TRYING.

True, sometimes the judges did that with the person auditioning. Not enough times, in my book.

It's hard to watch someone LOVE to do something and know that they don't have the right body type, right muscle structure or coordination to achieve a certain level or degree of expertise.

So that brings me to my title of this posting.......balloon poppers.
People who feel it is their duty or right to give you the news.
The people who, for whatever reason just know what's in your best interests. Who don't want you to be hurt, waste your time, look bad or embarrass yourself or them.

They tell you that you aren't very good. That you don't have the skill. That you need to put your efforts in something that you can do or that will bring you an income. They bluntly tell you that your work is crap, your dancing difficult to watch, your singing painful to their ears, your reasoning strange and deluded, etc. They are the self appointed balloon poppers of the world and they just KNOW that they are doing the right thing. Saving you from disappointment, sadness, loss and ridicule.

The sad thing is that these people often start popping balloons very early in your life. They are often the people, the adults that tend to our needs and live in our world.

And, we believe them. Because we trust them. And, that sets off a train of beliefs that some of us take a long lifetime to eradicate. Message tapes that loop in our minds and tell us that we "can't, shouldn't, ought not to, be silly to, etc".

I know this is long and thank you for sticking with me. I just want to say, take a moment and think back to earlier times and what things you might have wanted to do or try. Make a list. Think about those things on your list.
Seriously.
Go down the list, one by one and ask yourself if you still want to be or do those things. Ask yourself why or why not.
Sit quietly and listen to the tape looping in your mind when you think that that list. What are you hearing? Whose voice is that really?

It's not important their WHY but it is important for you, to be clear in your mind, about why you didn't pursue that item on the list.

Did you expect their support to pay the way?
Did your achieving your goal depend on them being your cheerleaders?

If it's something you still are interested in is there another way to go about doing it.
Do you have to be perfect? Who are you doing it for?


Then ask yourself when you do it, does it bring you joy? Does it make you smile to yourself?
Work out a plan for tackling something on that list. Take a dance class, take a drawing class, barter for a singing teacher. Be creattive and find a way to do something on that list.
THEN you can decide for yourself if you don't want to pursue it. Make the reason you are stopping YOUR REASONS.

9 comments:

  1. Joy...yes, I wish that for more people.

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  2. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I love the little baby foot pic...your grandbaby??? And I love your new header photo...it was my favorite prairie photo that you took. Love the colors.

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  3. Thanks Yvonne, yes that's little Riley's foot. She got me thinking about possibilities and what might stop HER from trying things.
    I really liked that shot from the prairie walk too. It just fit the end of the summer season.
    Joy........some people never find it. Some look to hard outside of themselves for it. :)Bea

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  4. Great post.

    Makes me realize that I probably should have listened to the other voices playing along in my head those many, many years ago.

    But as they say, better late than never. So we started on phase one (writing) in late 2005, and phase two (blogging) last year.

    And I'm loving every single minute of it.

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  5. Spot on G as they say. Better to not spend too much time on what if's but get to it. And, I can tell from what I read of yours that you enjoy BOTH activities. :)Bea

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  6. I lived with alot of balloon poppers. People who loved me but wanted to "shield" me. and of course I listened.
    I know now that I should/could not have listened...and that it's not too late to thumb my nose at their "advice".

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  7. Today's entry was a great reminder that we need more often--because people forget. Of course, you and I have had this conversation sooooo many times.

    Yesterday I had a 49 year old man stop by the garage sale yesterday. He'd made a great living as a contractor before the plunge, had a bad marriage, made some bad financial decisions--he talked about being looked down upon by lenders and other financial advisors. That the biggest mistake he'd made was not buying his own house. All he saw was what he hadn't done right--and felt that defined him. He'd forgotten he was a good contractor and that there were other ways to make a living. Like the dance show, instead of hope and creative help--people that could have given him a message that might have changed his life...decided to punish him further for mistakes. He stayed to talk for 2 hours and I realized that the Suzy Orman Money package I'd gotten during the WHA-TV fundraiser was to be given to him. The man had tears in his eyes. All he really needed was for someone to care and give him hope.

    Reminded me of stories you and I have shared about how we have received life altering messages from strangers---and that we have sent a few out to strangers, too.

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  8. Absolutely, Mim. Sometimes those people mean well and maybe they don't even realize that they are popping dreams and hopes. But, we usually TRUST them so we go with the flow.
    I want to remind people not to get hung up on who did what but to LISTEN to those message tapes that are still being played in our minds and make a conscious decision to CHANGE THE MESSAGE. :)Bea

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  9. Wow, what a great story, Donna. The man was sent to you. You did good, girlfriend. :)Bea

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